Here let me read it to you. Best to listen straight off Spotify though, the browser version is buggy.

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A special type of client

A handy business skill I learned as a junior in the analog years was the ability to speed read documents upside down on people’s desks.

One of those client desk scans provided my first glimpse into the blackened heart of a special type of client. He’d called me in for a personal berating on our recent services. He’d already sent me an email ripping shreds out of our performance on a project, finishing with a demand for a big discount.

There were other emails. Printed out on his desk, by his assistant, he was one of those guys. Each was a similar litany of complaint to all the other suppliers on that project. Each ending with … you know what it ended with.

The guy’s entire business model was finding fault with suppliers to fatten his margins beyond the original deal.

He was a human roach, and I rejoiced when his business folded.

Utterly disappointed in us

You will run across these people from time to time. Mercifully they’re a tiny minority, but we’ve had a few recently.

They’re easy to recognise after the fact. By the insane length of their emails. 800, a thousand words is nothing to them. And the florid writing style.

“To say I am disappointed is an understatement. In actual fact, I was utterly …” and so on.

In advance, they’re harder to spot. They can seem like normal customers.

It’s a good reminder for you to sharpen up your credit procedures. Before you do any work on credit, ask yourself: if this customer goes rogue, how will I go getting money out of them after I’ve done the work?

Because they’re almost impossible to get money out of later on. You will do more work collecting the cash than you did on the actual project.

An objective, point-by-point rebuttal of their mad accusations achieves nothing. Like the Hydra of Greek mythology, arguing one point grows two more points of dissatisfaction.

Tidy up your terms and conditions

We rarely bring the black letter Terms and Conditions hammer down on anyone, preferring to negotiate like reasonable people. When you’re dealing with unreasonable, unsatisfiable people though, immovable force is the only way you’re gonna get paid and move on with your life.

When did you last brush up your own terms and conditions?

(And by you I mean get a lawyer, this is not DIY territory).

Are they worded so the client’s acceptance is a click or an email, rather than a damn signature every time?

Most of us aren’t selling a house or car, and chasing signatures is thick cholesterol in the bloodstream of your sales flow. You and your sales people will forget to do it when it counts, and your defence shield against scammers and nutbags will be full of holes.

Let them feel they had a win

On a less malignant level, plenty of customers are going to ask you for a discount as standard procedure. You need a plausible response.

Know that sometimes, it’s a ceremonial thing. You have to be seen to have conceded something. They have to feel that they had a win. It’s not so much the size of the win, but the fact that they got one.

It’s pretty easy to engineer that win into the process without destroying your margins. They feel like they’ve done their job.

If you’re a senior heavyweight champ in your field, you don’t need this story. Just say you don’t discount and look mildly offended that they’ve brought it up. It’s a major signifier of quality and they’ll want your services more.

Mark Ritson’s online Mini MBA, which has done very well, has it as the first item in the FAQs. Basically, fuck off with your discount.

By implication, people feel his course will turn them into a similar pricing strongperson, so they sign up anyway.

Surrounded by nasty-ass cheap competitors

If you’re less sure of yourself and swarmed by nasty-ass cheap competitors on all sides, you have more work to do.

Any number of sales motivators will tell you to never discount. It’s all very well for them to say. Safely in their little video window inside your LinkedIn screen, not face to face with you as you sweat it wondering if you can meet wages this month. I’m not going to tell you that.

I am going to ask you if you’re OK with being the lowest of all the quotes for the rest of your career. If so, you’re doomed.

How do we get you out of that ditch?

When the customer pops the D question, many people go straight into “what’s the number?” mode. What number is the rest of the industry doing? What’s the least we can get away with? What percentage off will make sure we’re in the ballpark?

It’s the wrong place to start.

Are they a lowest-price bottom feeder?

A fair thing to ask, in a non-judgemental tone, is:

“If you’re looking for the cheapest quote, we’re not your supplier. What are you basing this decision on? What are we trying to achieve here?”

It puts it back onto them and their self-image.

No matter how much they pride themselves on being a tough negotiator, nobody sees themselves as an absolute lowest price bottom feeder.

It’s like ordering a bottle of Yellowtail from the restaurant wine list. The waiter takes a step back, the background music stops, and the other diners turn to stare at you, the worst person ever.

“We’re not looking for the cheapest quote at all” your customer will splutter. “For us it’s about the quality and the service.”

Yep, it’s the two most generic words in the entire sales world. But at least it’s opened the conversation. Now your job is to find out what those fuzzy words specifically mean to them.

This is how you grow your understanding of that customer. And it reframes the conversation away from the discount until they recognise that perhaps not all suppliers are the same.

Obviously that conversation is the stuff that a million sales books and training courses are built on, and we’re already up to a thousand words so we’ll return to it in a few weeks. But, spoiler alert, much of it can be clarified by one question.

What does your customer’s customer want?

Back soon folks, hope you enjoyed this week’s story at the discounted deal of $0. My supply chain costs are skyrocketing, act now before the price rise.

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