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Split-second military timing

 

In the early years of our business, we battled for awareness that we even existed.

That meant network-a-thons at the annual industry trade show. Long days finished with late nights in the laneway bars of Melbourne. Gangs of event industry folk would kick on in cooler night hideaways than we’d find in our hometowns.

The handsome, square-jawed ex-military motivational speaker was always at the centre of the action. Semi-circles of admirers formed to hear his hero yarns, and he didn’t mind a cocktail or seven. Until it was his shout.

At that point he would not be there. He’d executed a stealth return to base. Perhaps it was a one-off mistake, we thought. But no, it was a pattern. His cocktail smoke bomb happened year after year.

 

Shout-avoidance: a gateway habit

 

In the event community, his name became Avoid-A-Shout. (For international readers, he would be Avoid-A-Round). Then he quit speaking and left the industry. I heard nothing of him for a decade or more.

Until he was jailed over a major crime unrelated to shout-avoidance.

I’m not saying he deserved it because of his shoutless record. I draw no satisfaction that he’s behind bars.

I do, however, wonder if the shout-avoider mindset is a gateway to larger poor decisions.

Shout-avoidance shows you don’t give a damn for your fellow human beings or your long-term reputation. Because your own desires are all that matter to you. It shows you think you can get away with social crimes without people noticing.

People are noticing. And they talk about it.

If you’re a blatant shout-avoider, people will remember it decades later. It casts a pall of suspicion over you for the rest of your career. You think: what else would that guy do if he thinks he’s getting away with it?

(Side-note – I’m conscious this scene could read like a blokefest if you didn’t know our industry, which is majority female. An even balance of genders underwrote all those rounds old mate enjoyed on his budget of zero.)

 

A strong personal brand can go either way

 

You can read entire books on personal brand, but it all comes down to this simple two-step process.

1. Have they heard of you?
2. Can you be trusted?

When the one thing that people remember about you is that your name is Avoid-A-Shout, that’s a memorable brand right there. Just not in a positive sense. More like Samsung Galaxy Note or Arthur Andersen.

Large parts of our business are built on how our people handled themselves in long-ago social situations. If I had to put a number on it, it would be over 50% of revenue.

Potential clients may not wake up the next day with detailed knowledge of what was said but they still have a general feeling that you are likeable and can be trusted.

It’s exactly like developing a business brand. It works by giving, not taking. For customers, feelings and instinct beat facts and logic every time, even though they will post-rationalise it with a spreadsheet. It’s a long game, forming experiences that can bond you for life and creating business relationships that no standard meeting or sales call can ever do.

The commercial returns are hard to justify on a single year’s evaluation like your standard MBA would do. If you’re in your twenties, the cocktails and after-parties you don’t attend are costing Future You access to the secret club where stuff gets done offline, once your friends achieve power.

It’s more important than ever as digital creepiness and fakery destroys all trust in what you see online. This face-to-face activity is the last way left to reassure fellow members of your human herd that you’re not a disguised predator.

In the right situation, it’s a productive move to be the opposite of Avoid-a-Shout and pick up the tab. At an animal instinct level, it makes you look like you can afford stuff, so people assume you’re successful therefore you must do a good job. It sounds so contrived but the reassurance is real.

 

The different dimensions of shout-avoidance

 

Shout-avoidance has different dimensions. There’s the shout arbitrage trader, who buys a jug of generic lager or a carafe of nasty-ass Semillon-Sauvignon Blanc for the group. Then orders a Gran Patron Burdeos margarita when someone else is buying.

There’s the “I’m the potential client” gambit where people pretend they’re a lucrative future customer and thus never pull their wallet out. They have the lordly entitlement of International Olympic Committee members visiting potential host cities.

They will accept your free drinks, and they will never spend a cent with your business.

By the way, when I say shout-avoider, I speak only of those who take everyone else’s drinks then don’t buy. Feel free to avoid a shout if you don’t drink, don’t want that many, or it’s too expensive. It’s perfectly fine and pressuring people to go in shouts is not cool in 2024. If I didn’t drink I’m damn sure I wouldn’t be subsidising everyone else’s night out.

And this story is about those few big nights a year when the whole industry gets together, not a normal Wednesday night after work.

 

The mutual cost obligation vortex

 

The concept of mutual cost obligation is a rich source of social trauma. You can get sucked into an expense vortex just to go along with what people seem to want. Not just at work.

Like the insane escalation of wedding obligations, where guests are expected to do multiple pre-wedding events, go on mini-holidays for the day itself, and buy wardrobes of new outfits. It’s OK to say: sorry, I can’t afford this, I’ve got kids, a mortgage or I’m just running low this month.

If you’re in a senior position, be aware when your social suggestions are going to be the financial ruin of some members of the group. If you peer-pressure younger staff or industry associates to some expensive place, be aware that round of drinks is their entire week’s grocery budget. Do not allow them to buy.

Anyway, the office party season is nearly upon us, so keep it classy out there. Don’t tempt karma to put you behind bars in ten years or so.

 

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