Another week where I quite like the audio version but it has no pictures. Listen on Spotify

---

Invisible supports are everywhere

Each week I write of different things that might help you get ahead in business. This week, let’s deal with the best thing for that.

A smart life partner who gets it, and you.

Guys like to write of their epic achievements with the clear implication that with enough grind and discipline, you too could do it.

Almost always, there’s no acknowledgement of the help structure they’ve had around them their entire lives. The upbringing that gave them the education, support and stable home life that opened doors and got them started.

Yes they worked hard. They also got a business-class check-in into the working world while others had to queue for the Greyhound bus.

Then there’s the invisible support of their life partners that allowed them all those years of self-focus, business trips and late-night work. Kids that apparently raised themselves and so on.

Consider yourself blessed and try not to fuck it up

The role of life partners in business is a tricky subject to write about. It’s coloured with your own values that others might not share. But realistically it’s a big factor so let’s dive in.

There’s a partner attitude-to-your-work spectrum that runs from outright resentment, to acceptance, support, unquestioning support, then to essential partner in all you do.

It’s wonderful when your partner is into it for you, rather than whatever prestige lifestyle bullshit comes with you.

Support is wonderful. Unquestioning support isn’t.

You aren’t right all the time and someone who will call you on it is so valuable. Without that, you slowly become one of those insufferable narcissists we’ve all worked with at some point.

From the start, our business has been built on the support of partners who have understood and supported this mildly dangerous plan.

If you find someone who gets it, who you regard as an equal, whose thoughts you really want to hear, then consider yourself blessed and try not to fuck it up.

Ego is ok but it needs balancing out

Note that “equal” bit. Being good at something needs a certain amount of egotism, and that’s not entirely a bad thing. Some of us are just better at hiding it than other absolute wankers you’ve met. You get obsessively focused on the shiny goal, and start believing your role in it is all that matters.

The risk is thinking your priorities are more important than your partner’s. That’s not how it works.

You might be the one that gets 100k clicks, 10x growth or a story about what you ate for lunch in the Financial Review Boss magazine. You might make all the money.

None of that is any more important than what’s important to your partner.

This means lots of listening even when you’re tired and distracted. And other things, you know what to do and I’m not your relationships advisor. I’ve made plenty of those mistakes myself.

A joy to see mutual respect

Last week I had dinner with a friend and his new wife-to-be. He is a year into his entrepreneur life, in a for-now humble gig after leaving a high-flying corporate career. Since they got together, he’s a different person.

She is awesome. Smart, likeable, and a high achiever in her own right.

Somehow we got talking sharks. I raised the topic, not her. You wouldn’t have guessed from her well-dressed corporate appearance that she started her working career at age sixteen on trawler boats in some of Australia’s gnarliest, sharkiest waters.

Working alongside some of the scurviest sea dogs you could meet. Seeing shit out there that would turn your sailor beard white if you had one. She can dismember any sea creature into edible portions in minutes, on a heaving deck at night.

I really rate people who have done interesting things like that before they enter the white collar world. They bring a wider, more balanced set of values and a much deeper understanding of people.

Apart from the general lovey good vibes, it was a joy to see their mutual respect. They spoke of how good it was to discuss their daily challenges, their long-term plans and dreams, with someone else whose opinion they value.

Encouraging the things that light up your person’s brain

It is a major win to find someone who understands and accepts the sacrifices that must be made, and knows it’s not just about suffering to get some far-off material success point.

Happiness comes from encouraging your person do the things that light up their brain. Long-term, it will bring amazing results. That might include material success, or it might not, and either is cool. When you’re in it together, and can talk about it openly, that’s enough.

I had the good fortune to meet such a woman, Michelle.

I’d like to think I’m a reasonably decent person, but I also have annoying defects, selective cowardice, and mad obsessions others may not see the point of.

She knows the futility of trying to make people change, but rather accepting the whole diverse portfolio of characteristics as a package. She makes me feel understood, which is a really nice place to be.

Michelle’s attitude to my work stuff is: Go for it, I see how happy and fulfilled you are doing your thing. The plotting and scheming with your business partners, the creative side projects, the insane tangents down paths that may achieve nothing, that is the best version of you. I love to see you like that.

A weird, annoying, artificial version of me

Michelle’s thoughts on what to do with other people are sound, even though she’s usually only hearing my curated side of the story.

She is in no way materialistic or impressed by status. I’m not feeling the pressure of living up to her success expectations because there are none. Perversely, that approach makes it easier to achieve successes, because it just comes as a side-benefit of feeling relaxed about risks.

People just like her. She has finely-tuned antennae for people in the room who are alone or need moral support. She looks out for them, listens to them with a completely open mind, and will learn all sorts of things about them by being genuinely interested.

I have business partners who go to her for thoughts on some topics, rather than me. I love that.

Interestingly, she really liked my voice when I first met, but cannot listen to the audio book or the recorded version of the blog. She says it sounds like some weird annoying, artificial version of me.

Sorry Penguin Audio Books.

Though she is confident and comfortable in her own skin, she absolutely hates being photographed, getting up in front of people, or being looked at in general.

I finally get to the point

Obviously we are not only together for supportive chats about business life.

We’ve been together a long time. Still, whenever she walks into the room — even if it’s just to boil the kettle —  things kind of go into soft focus, clocks stop ticking and I’m filled with warm lovey thoughts that she is, unquestionably, the only woman on earth that I could ever feel this way about and always will.

It gives everything much more of a reason. Michelle makes me want to be a better version of myself.

Which brings us to this week’s news, and I thank you reading this far. When I mentioned in December that I was taking a couple of weeks off to attend to some things: we got married.

I really do recommend it if you’re fortunate enough to meet someone like that. Life is good.

Planning tip: if you’re having a yard wedding at 5pm, feed the dog first. Unless you don’t mind a dog in every wedding shot.

Goes well with the original Hills Hoist though, take that Byron influencers.

---

Got a comment?

Why not drop your comment over on this story on LinkedIn?

Also, if this story was useful or entertaining for you, help me out by sharing it. It’s a ton of work getting these stories out, and more readers really helps me justify the insane effort each week. Bless you.

Why not buy this nice book?

Want a book on how to break free of a job that sucks and set up your own business that you don’t even have to work in? We did that, and here’s the story: Undisruptable: Timeless Business Truths For Thriving In A World Of Nonstop Change.

Zoë Foster Blake said: “Ian is a cheeky, funny, disruptive (and proven: important) business rascal and thank goodness for that.”

Every week since it came out, it’s the #1 Review-Rated biz book on all of Booktopia. On paper, electronic or audio book with me reading it. Get it here:

Also I write a story each Tuesday, drop your email here to get it in your inbox.

For those of you in geo-blocked countries, here’s your non-Spotify audio: